I'll be that friend you never wanted

I'll be that friend you never wanted

Saturday, April 2, 2011

XY chronicles: The curious case of the glass carrying night walker.

An accurate summation 

X =Friend
Y= Me
Ben = Ben

2 PM
X: [casually waving]Hey Y!
Y: [uninterrupted silence]
X: [challenge accepted] Wow your watching that computer screen harder then Jesus watched his disciples.




Y[Challenge met, ensue slow head turn] In these instances, I ask myself what would Jesus do?Unfortunately I don't have the ability not the effort to drown you in 40 days of rain. 



X: So what are you doing?... Is it porn? ...are you touching yourself? Hey wasn't today your nursing evaluation? ?Usually your really freaked out and start over reacting





Y:Lies








X: cmon now


       truth.....


Y: Please girl. I've grown past the yesteryears of when I sought to hurt other due to my own emotional pain.  Instead i will relieve myself of this pain through dramatic death.






















 I'm not to worried. 56 % of the population believes I'll be reborn. I hope its as syphalus.
X: Yeah that's your explanation. Now ... I'm going to hold on to the butter knifes. 


Y:        Nooooo

X: This is for you own good


Y:         NO.

X: You'll thank me later


Y: God damn it X! If you don't give me back my anti Ben device i will prostitute myself on every corner , crescent, and McDonald driveway.
X: [grudgingly impressed] Wow that scanky.
Y: Your right. In all the rich kids corner, crescent, and Ritz  drive through.  
X: ahhhh. I see your mother has taught you better.
Y: From there I will collect all the jizz and put in in the bottle marked X's face cream. 

X: fucking ridiculous

3PM
Ben walks into residence room. He looking for nachos but finds Y face first on the stairs.
Ben: Hey girl. Why are you lying on the floor? [Gaze to the ceiling] This is just too scandalous for me.
X: [Walks in observes situation and takes immediate action]

Ben: Why are you kicking her??!?!?!?
X: These are kicks of justice.[ Continues to kick vigorously]Medical diagnosis. I think she died. 
Ben: Huh? What? When? .... suspicious ... How? 
X: Her ears probably committed spontaneous suicide and the fragments collided into her brain .
Ben: Ohhh not again .. will she respawn


5PM 
X:So why are we hiding behind these stairs?
Y:Shhhhhh I've got a perfect killshot from here. There Ben.
X: [puzzled, surprised, and quite uninterested] Isn't that your best friends.
Y: Yeah hes awesome.. a little too awesome. (0_o) On my count throw a grenade at him .
X... Life isn't modern warfare.
Y: I think my soul just  deflated.


5:55 
Y: [sobbing on the floor]
X: [licking ice cream, watching lost] There there. Whats wrong? 
Y: My life is a mess i should of listened to my mother 

 silence*

X: Oh right.  What did your mother say? 
Y: [crys of pitiful desperation] I don't know. I never listened!

X: Your just out of wack cause your worries about Nursing evaluation. I can't believe you wanted to go on a death rampage. 
Y: I was gonna keep doing it or die trying. 
Ben: [nachos in hand, his day has been successful] Why do you hand out with her X?
X: [now contemplating the benefits of changing locks]


1. she would find me 
2. she has great hairline
3. i log these hours in for community service

6PM 

Text message: Marks for nursing evaluation are up !

X: Why are you holding my hand?
Y: I think i just wet myself. 
Ben: Sweet so looks like i passed you guys. By the way, I borrowed X's face cream. Smelled kinda familiar. 
What is it ?
Y: Jizz.
Ben and X:  



Ben: Your joking.  Right? 

Thesis: Evaluations: sucking the joy out of life with the same velocity of a black hole.


How i see it: Never borrow face cream



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