I'll be that friend you never wanted

I'll be that friend you never wanted

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Paperclip = Literary Harassment

Me: Yeah.. This is word I come here kinda often. Lonely, bored, its kind of my go to thing.
Clip: Hang with me. I know how to please a woman.
Me: Well you do have access to the internet. I would hope you learned something. Sorry though ,but paper clips aren't my type ...In fact the TALKING aren't my type.
Clip: Cmon girl whats your sign?
Me:  Stop ...
Clip: Well... whatever then.

15 mins later...
Clip:Hey there! I see your screwing up your career!
Me: Huh... I'm just writing my final nursing paper. This would be a LOT easier for me if you stopped hitting on me.
Clip: Ohh well.. lets just call it version 1.0
Me: Are you saying my writing is shit?

Clip: I read all your papers. You start every one with in accordance to the profecy.

Listen I know about you.How every time someone at work asks you to do something, you page yourself on the intercom. You don't even disguise your voice.
Me:     It gets my point across.


Clip: You need to face reality!
Me: Please. I'm still deciding if that an allusion created by a shortage of alcohol


You know for a paper clip your kinda rude no wonder theres no lady clip in your life.
Clip: Me and a pencil really connected once.
Me: Thats kinky, what happened?
Clip: Sharpener. Gotta go for the mechanics chicks. I learned the hard way . One day she just wasn't there anymore.
Me: Oh she left ...
Clip: Nah not really. I still have the shavings.
Me: Wow.Your creepier than I am .



Me: One day mom came back home and she said that due to the economy, she was gonna have to let one of us go. :(

Clip: awww why are you crying?

Me: She made me sandwiches! God I miss her.
Clip: You could always get a new life ...I could probably download one of those for you..
So that paper, Id probably just delete it.




Me: Is there a delete button on you






Clip: Maybe.
Me: Wow your annoying.

Me: Your just artificial  intelligence. 
Clip: And amazingly thats still no match for natural stupidity.
Me: JUST LET ME WORK!
30 mins later

Clip: Hey bud.
Me: Im busy with my paper!
Clip: Lies! Really you need to learn honest.

Me: Another illusion...
Clip: You know that story with George Washington, how he cut down the tree and told the truth about it. Why do you think his dad didn't punish him? 
*silence*
Me: Probably because he still had that axe in his hand. :)
Clip: Your impossible.  
Me:                                                             well your a paper clip.


So mister intelligence, tell me a man secret.
Clip: *Guy fact #1 If you think your fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.*
Me: Guys suck.
Clip: I may be all rod but I wouldn't know.
Me: awwww do i sense resentment

Clip: Please as if u care about me
Me: Seriously your still angry about me turning you down . Lets move on from this. iIlive by the rule that anything I say 6 month before is inadmissible in an argument. In fact any comment is null and void after 7 days.
Clip: This was 45 mins ago !


Me: WTF?! Your a paper clip! Why are soo ANAL?!

Clip: Your impossible. I cant stand this anymore. The punctuation, the grammar, the words that just aren't Spanglish!
Me..... wait... what are you doing?! Are u self destructing? Don't think you can leave this argument my dying !

.. huh . guess i won .

Hours later


Ben: Hey girl !Why were you asleep?
Me: ukmmmm just testing my keyboard for droll resistance .. yup as I expected. It has none whatsoever.
Ben: [leans over and looks at screen]

wow you only have the cover page done!
---------------------------------------------------
 Paperclips: harmless assistance or online predator?

Thesis: Get a MAC 

Those lyrics said what?! #1



Monday, April 11, 2011

Spring cleaning and other poetic tragedies

Its that time of year again .. no its not get a 3 second strip race [Tragedy #1]where we will then proceed to fling tomatoes at each other .. is that even a thing people ?!
  La Tomatina
 Well then.  I'm sure if starving children in Africa bothered to check their twitter feed, this would bring them to their knees.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

XY chronicles: The curious case of the glass carrying night walker.

An accurate summation 

X =Friend
Y= Me
Ben = Ben

2 PM
X: [casually waving]Hey Y!
Y: [uninterrupted silence]
X: [challenge accepted] Wow your watching that computer screen harder then Jesus watched his disciples.